Celebrating the Lovebugs Life

It's been cathartic creating this blog about our girls and writing about Sierra's fight with cancer. I still find myself crying at nothing all the time b/c I think about her and how when we walk into the house and instead of 3 wagging tails I see two. Sierra's sisters are saddened, but true to being a dog, they live in the moment and find happiness in some left over pizza crust or just laying out on the deck all evening. So I'm posting this to talk about the happy memories I have of our girl.

As I sit here at the kitchen table, I can almost feel her brush against my leg, since under the table was her spot. If we couldn't find Sierra, it was always wise to look under the table and she would be curled around a chair. So I'm going to write a letter to my girl, remembering all our happy times.

To Our Sweet Girl,

It's only been a few days since we finally released you from your body. I know from looking in your eyes that day that you do not blame us, but thanked us for ending your pain. I know as you left your body you jumped straight into a huge wave to paddle after your favorite ball. You always were the fastest and best swimmer at the beach. You never failed to amaze us with your athleticism. We always thought what a great sporting dog you would be, but lucky us, you were the best companion instead.

Your sisters miss you and I find them glancing to where your bed used to be. Nala wonders where her littermate is....12 years is a long time. Marley wonders why you don't come into the room in the middle of the night to steal her bed. They feel the loss, but be happy because they find happiness in all the little things you did as well; waiting at the door for us to come home, begging for scraps when dinner is being made, and just a hug or a belly rub.

If I close my eyes, I can see your big brown eyes still, looking at me with absolute trust and loyalty. Sometimes I wish I wasn't in such a hurry in the past, just trying to get out the door on time, I wish I could have stopped for a second to give all of you a hug. I know you didn't mind because you loved us no matter what.

I miss my music fan. Only your sister lies at my feet now as I play my guitar, she's the only one left that can stand it. Every time I play Estudio, I think of you. It's such a pretty song and I promise, I'm going to get all the way through just for you. It will always be our song.

You and your sisters have shown us both what true loyalty and friendship is. How to forgive one another and how to live life every second. We were blessed to have you in our lives and you have reminded us how fast it all goes. I know you have lots of beaches to roam, oceans to swim in, and kitties to chase. As I will never forget how it feels to have your pointy head under my hand, I know you will not forget the love we have for you and the feel of our hands rubbing your head. Swim on sweet girl where you will never get tired and your ball will never be washed out to sea. I know you will be there when it's time for your sisters and that makes me glad. We are lucky that you allowed us to be your owners. A dog's spirit is a brief glimpse of how we should all model our lives. Thanks for sharing that with us.

Videos of Sierra enjoying life

Living with Cancer and Finally Letting Go

Sierra was doing well but about a week ago, we started to see a definite turn down a corner we have been dreading. Starting the week of 6/18, we noticed that Sierra started to sleep more and more, till by midweek, she was only getting out of bed by much coaxing from us. She would eat chicken but only if we would sit with her and beg her. On 6/18 I looked into her mouth and noticed that the tumors were back. Not where they were debulked but now outside of those spaces and under her palette. I hate this insidious cancer that creeps along and takes their lives just a bit at a time. Wouldn't it be better to just go in a blink of an eye rather than have the cancer chip away a little bit at a time? We had prayed that it wouldn't come back, but it did. We thought things were ok, b/c the bladder cancer wasn't bothering her at all. Well, we made an appointment with her vet scheduled for Friday. By Thursday, Sierra was breathing heavily and panting. I know the weeks prior to this, in my heart, I felt like the cancer may have spread to her lungs. She was coughing occasionally and kind of huffing, but her chest xray in March was clear. Friday morning, my husband and I discussed the possibility that this would not just be a visit for a check up. We went home and spend about 3 hours laying on the bed with our girl. She was not comfortable, constantly panicking and just a feeling of sadness was coming from her. We cried and told her how much we loved her. We both had private talks with her to tell her how much she means to us and how proud we were of her. We were trying to prepare ourselves for the hardest decision we would have to make.

I know on that Friday, that Sierra for the past week was no longer living with cancer, it was taking her and we were not going to allow her to suffer and spend her last days dying from cancer. We loaded her into the car with her favorite blanket and drove to the vets office. I remember that drive and wishing we could hit every stop light just to give us more time.
We finally got to the office and I started to notice some very interesting things, that have a lot more clarity now than they did on that day. That day I was a mess and struggling to keep it together. On all previous visits to the vet, Sierra was always so ridden with anxiety. On this Friday, she was as calm as a cucumber. She made me look like a crazy basket case. When the vet examined her, she was as serene as can be. The vet said that her tumor on her bladder had grown huge and was surprised Sierra could still urinate and was not having accidents. She looked at her mouth and told us the tumor was going to start spreading quickly and most likely up into her palette b/c we could see a large lump hanging down. We described Sierra's behavior knowing what we had to do. The Dr said she was most likely in pain and it was just going to get worse. My huband and I knew, we knew in our hearts we could not let this beautiful girl suffer. I knew that if we switched places, I would beg for that release from the pain. We decided to do it that day, we couldn't let her go another minute. We laid with her on her blanket and spoke words of love and support as we stroked her head. It was very peaceful for her and as much as it hurts to lose her, I'm happy knowing she drifted off to sleep knowing how much she was loved. Goodbye my sweet monkey, my little bollilo head, my beautiful girl....the memories will forever be in my heart.

Sierra's FIGHT with Cancer - Part 2

After much research, we began to discuss getting Sierra a maxillectomy, hoping we could get clean margins. We talked to the surgeon at our vets office and wanted to explore other options and surgeons. Luckily, one of my friends who also has a dog going through cancer recommended us to a specialty surgery center. We made an appointment hoping for the best. In the meantime, the tumor on Sierras mouth was growing. It wasn't slowing down, but just looking at it struck such pain and sadness in my heart. Everytime I would look at her, all I could think of was that there was a ticking time bomb in my dogs body.

We met with the surgeon and got a great feeling from this Dr. I can't stress how important it is to have that intangible feeling of this is the write person to care for our baby. We absolutely love our regular vet, but they told us this was beyond their capabilities. The surgeon described the surgery process, how Sierra would recover, and how it would affect her quality of life. Even though the cost was high, we were ready. Through all the Dr. visits, I was also stressed on how much anxiety this was giving Sierra. She has always hated the vet and her anxiety was high. Luckily, everyone at the surgery center fell in love with her and handled her like a princess.

The surgeon recommended that we do some pre-op blood tests and an ultrasound to make sure everthing internally looked ok. Well, b/c Sierra was so healthy, we had no worries. We dropped her off for her ultrasound and were ready to soon proceed with her surgery. During this whole time, we researched a lot about diet for cancer and took Sierra off all carbs. We focused on a natural diet and gave her lots of vitamins and flaxseed oil to hopefully slow down any spread of cancer. We received a call from the Dr about the test results and ultrasound and were devastated to find out that Sierra had another tumor, on her bladder. The surgeon explained that due to the tumor on her bladder that he would not recommend the maxillectomy and that her prognosis for the bladder tumor was 6 months. I was at a loss for words. It felt like a death sentence, it was one. I posted on the bone cancer forum and one piece of advice I received is the difference between our girl living with cancer and dying from cancer. We decided that we were not going to spend this time with our sweet girl dying from cancer, but letting her live.

The decision was made to proceed with surgery to de-bulk the tumor, leaving her jaw bone intact. Sierra went into surgery and came out fine. She was a big sluggish and we were concerned with any pain she may be experiencing, so we requested something for pain. She was prescribed Previcox and we gave her the prescription for three days. During that three day period, she went from doing kind of ok to totally downhill. She could not get up on her own, she stopped eating and started urinating in her bed. I assumed this was the cancer rearing it's ugly head and took her immediately to the surgeon. Thankfully the surgeon was able recognize her symptoms as not being from the cancer, but an adverse reaction to the Previcox. We immediately discontinued use and saw Sierra bounce back within a couple of days. Unfortunately, due to the adverse reaction, Sierra lost more weight. We did everything to get her to eat. She was in hog heaven, getting chicken, beef, turkey, fish, you name it. I never did feel like she ate enough. It saddened me daily to see her hip bones outlines.

This was all done end of March beginning of April. Sierra did seem to bounce back bit by bit and I saw that spark of her happy self come back. The only thing she didn't have was her amazing stamina, and at that point, I felt walks were overrated. She still would bounce up and down like Tigger outside of the door, begging to come in and that was enough to make me happy.

Sierra's FIGHT with Cancer - Part 1

Our girls were getting older and we knew that eventually there would come a time when our girls could no longer be with us. This is like one of those vague thoughts about our time on earth, but it never really seems concrete; that is until time comes one day and gives you a big slap on the face. Well, we were slapped hard the end of February.

We came home one day and let the dogs inside, just like everyday of the week. There was the normal clip clip of their toenails on the floor as they scrambled around us, the jumping up for kisses and the inevitable nose in the crotch from one of the labs. On this day, I noticed that something was not looking right with Sierra's mouth. She had her mouth open, tongue hanging out as always when she was excited, but there was something going on in front above her teeth. I calmed her down and called my husband into the room to take a look. As we pulled up her upper lip, we noticed this big red purple mass on her gums. I freaked out a little, but thought it was an abcess or something. I've never really worried about Sierra's health b/c of our three dogs, she always was the most youthful and healthy. So we made an appointment with the vet and weren't to worried.

We took her into the vets office and our Dr recommended a biopsy. She didn't really say what she thought it was, but said it didn't look like an abcess. So we waited for the results and were called in to discuss that the results came back showing that Sierra had osteosarcoma of the jaw. This didn't really mean anything to me until the Dr said cancer. We were devestated. How could my girl have cancer, why did she get it, she looks so healthy! Our vet recommended we do some research, but her outlook and opinion was not good.

So we went home and started looking stuff up on the internet. I was heartbroken, b/c there was not a lot of info about cancer in the jaw and nothing looked good. I found a wonderful resource on Yahoo Groups - Bone Cancer Dogs. The people on this forum had so much information that I was starting to feel a little better.

Introducing the Three Monkeys

A little intro to the three girls. Sierra - Yellow Lab (Nala's litter mate), Nala - Yellow Lab (Sierra's litter mate), Marley - Chow Chow. These three chicks are the result of a blended family. Sierra and Nala were both adopted by my husband from Lab Rescue. Can you even believe that someone wanted to give them up???? I guess that's our gain. The girls were adopted at age two and are currently 12 years old. Marley has been my girl since I was a sophomore in college, back when I was young. I found her out on a farm in Bloomington, IN and it's been love since. Marley is 13 years old.

Sierra was our little love bug. I have never seen a dog that would take a pet and a hug over a bone, but that was Sierra. Her sweetness was infectious. Sometimes I think she was too smart for her own good. I could see her across the room just thinking, thinking, thinking....either how to get some love or maybe how to kill me. Just kidding on that last point, but geez, that girl loved her dad. Sometimes my husband and I would be laying in bed and I would wake up to her staring at us. Sometimes giving me the stink eye. But really though, she was just sweetness personified.

Nala is our clown. Our wiggleworm. Our sea cow. You can't walk by her without her throwing her body out in front of you and rolling around on her back, hoping, praying, you may either rub her belly or give her some food for her cuteness. I gotta tell you, this dog is so freakin cute I almost forget that she eats poop...sometimes. I like to call Nala our big boned girl. While her sisters have always been svelte, Nala is how would you say....um, curvaceous, voluptuous, rounded, ample? Choose any that may apply.

Marley. How do I describe Marley. Independent, stoic, dogcat. I think dogcat is best. If there ever was a cat that was having a species identity issue and felt that it should be a dog, then Marley would be the result. Now she is 100% dog, but personality wise, don't ever think that she wants us to think she needs us. She blesses us with her presence, and lets us pet her when she wants it. But with that package also comes silliness, loyalty, and friendship. Marley is the hardest to get to know, but once the time is taken, it's well worth the effort. Just ask her legion of fans.

Can you guess who is who?????

Why are we here?

I created this blog to celebrate our three monkeys...ok, they're dogs, but will forever be called my monkeys. I realized that we had pictures scattered everywhere; on the computer, printed on pieces of paper, and in frames. I wanted to have one place where I can put all the wonderful stories, pictures, and movies of our girls and share with those who love their furry friends as much as we do.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

~Roger Caras